Name:
KEVIN CHAFE

Nickname/s:
Chafie/Oi you/Heyshitferbrains

Previous clubs:
Daft question. J/Ville through and through. Unless you count when I used to turn out for the Londoners in Sunday mercantile.

How I ended up in this team:
No one else would have me

Best thing about being a member of this team:
No one told me to eff off when I said I was available, although there have been murmurings since.

Favourite other team:
Southampton (cause I had the misfortune to be born there). Also anyone who beats Man U. Oh yeah and the Phoenix cause they’re worse than us.

Favourite current player:
Me.

Favourite retired player:
Ron Davies (centre forward for Saints late 60’s – friggin legend) and Poly cause he always made me laugh when we played for Masters.

Best moment in football:
Scoring the winning goal against Wests for Masters 1 in 1990 mumble. We had to win to tie Raumati on points and hope for a miracle. Cross from Mark Wellbelove with 5 minutes to go, header at back post to top corner. Fell over and laid there like Charlie George in the 71 Cup Final. Would still be laying there today if the oppo hadnt told me to stop being a tosser and piss off back to halfway. We got back the clubrooms and found that Raumati twats had only drawn with Stop Out, so my goal won us the league. Boy did we celebrate that night.

Best goal scored (own goals do count):
Sheeze how long have you got? Okay, since you asked nicely, it was for Masters 1 about 8 years ago, Bishop Park on a sunny day, cross came in from right wing as I tore towards penalty area. Saw I wasn’t gunna get my foot to it so took off with full length dive, met the egg about a yard off the deck at the edge off the box and sent the best diving header you could dream of into the top right corner. Laid there like Charlie George etc etc. This is a true story honest! Also the one against Naenae last year from 40 yards when the keeper was having smoko wasn’t bad. There of course have been lots more. Feel free to ask…..

Most embarrassing moment in football:
Blenheim Masters a few years ago when I used to go with Blobbys team. Colin Lloyd had come and we talked him into going in goal cause our keeper got injured. They had a corner and I was at the near post, corner of 6 yard box. As it came towards me I lost my balance (yep, still pissed from the night before) and as I fell back tried a bicycle kick to clear. Caught it flush on the end of my toe and rifled it into the top corner. Laid there like Charlie George while Colin swore and cursed at me.

Favourite TV programme/s:
Comedies – Monty Python, Rowan Atkinson, Billy Connelly – you get the picture

Favourite movie/s:
Anything where sexy ladies get naked for no apparent reason.

Favourite song/s:
Mack the Knife. Me and Poly got a standing ovation in Nelson one night. God those poor bastards are starved of entertainment. Stairway to Heaven/Meatloaf/Beatles and anything else thats great to sing late at night while pickled with the head phones on. A favourite with the missus this one.

Favourite food:
Lisa’s home made lasagna is a doozy. Also boiled eggs when you least expect them.

Best city/country visited:
Melbourne during Cup time. Was even pretty good the second time we went and took the other halves.

Best football advice ever given to you:
A good team will always beat a team full of good players. Keep it simple. Do that again and I’ll break your leg.

Best football advice you've given out:
Never give up. Take a hike dickhead. If you keep passing to me I’ll score soon

Non football poser, Pet hates in society today:
People who aren’t straight up. Show ponies. That git who goes to everyone golf tournament and yells “get in the hole” every bloody time someone swings a club. And of course: Saturdays at 4pm when it becomes painfully obvious that no one bought the beers this week!